That is what I always think when I get up early on a Saturday
morning to make homemade pop tarts.
I made these little suckers on this rainy morning, because they popped
into my head last night, and I couldn’t stop thinking about
them when I woke up. (recipe can be found here
But as I was about to roll the dough a little before 8:00am, I glanced out the window
next to the table I was working at, and saw a young man in a white tank
and baggy jeans, talking to a woman in a shift dress. They looked no older than I.
I thought they were just chatting casually, but then I saw him hold out his arms and shrug,
and the muscles in her back tightened and she jerked her shoulders down as
she spoke to him. Then she walked inside. I went back to my pop tart dough until
I heard his loud voice talking into his cell phone, just beneath my window, saying, “[girl’s name].
just let me come inside real quick! [girl’s name]….[girl’s name]…look, I just want my TV and then
I will be out of your life. Just let me get my TV and I swear, I will be out of your life!
I’ll get a cab. [girl’s name], you can’t lift the TV, I don’t want to mess with you sending
it to me. I’m right here, I’ll get it and leave. Just let me in.”
Then I heard her voice. She opened the door??? Then I heard her use choice words
to tell him to get off “her” front porch right now or she would call the police.
Then there were footsteps, then she was yelling at him, telling him to get out,
then he emerged from the main door holding a large flat screen TV the length
of his wingspan. Then he went to the middle of the parking lot, set the TV down,
and called a cab (either his voice is really loud, or my walls are paper thin).
Then I heard her calling the police from inside. She didn’t ask them to come, she
just wanted it to be on the record. Then the police came. The dude
and his precious TV were nowhere to be seen.
Do you think a pop tart would brighten her day, or reveal me as a total
creepster neighbor? For the record, I did not ask to be a part of any of this.
I did not ask for a front row seat.