Baby Violet

Thursday, April 30, 2015 0 No tags

Hello!

I’m not sure how to start this post because I have stopped and started it a thousand times already since Violet made her way into the world.

The post I had all ready to publish a few days ago has been reevaluated under less hormonal circumstances and deemed just the type of sap worthy of my teenage diary but not necessarily the world wide web. Turns out I really can’t trust myself to write anything decent when I’m hormonal and sleep deprived.

Here’s the thing about me and sleep deprivation: we’ve never been a good match. 

I can deal with it in the privacy of my own home, and around close friends and family, but I cannot be trusted around words and coherent thoughts and rules of grammar in such a state.

This could mean a few things: I post a lot of wacky, typo-filled essays on my “deep” thoughts about life with an infant, I overcompensate and post only the facts, or I just don’t post at all and hope you all know I am alive by my instagram account.

How about we just stick with the facts for now?

Violet Virginia was born on the morning of April 2, at 7 pounds 8 ounces and 19 1/2 inches. That makes her four weeks old. I find that hard to believe since it simultaneously feels like she was born yesterday and as though I have never lived life without her.

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More facts:

I am both massively impressed with what my body is capable of doing (the female body is amazing, you guys), and a little emotional about the fact that I don’t recognize my reflection in the mirror quite yet.

I am acutely aware of the fact that I am only human, and can’t protect our child from all harm, as much as I would do anything to keep her safe.

Looking after and loving this helpless human is exhausting–a different kind of exhaustion than being primarily concerned with my own needs. In a much deeper sense, that is refreshing. And really hard.

This is the kind of love that is tempted to worry, to make a lot of what used to seem important seem trivial, and a love that threatens to change me to my core.

And that’s kind of scary.

But having children is scary. From the positive pregnancy test to the last few contractions, to the crying baby whose tears you can’t interpret, to the fear of loving so strongly that you would never recover if you lost her. Combine this vulnerable state with sleep deprivation and hormones and you have the perfect setup for near-insanity.

And yet, parenthood is as common as waking up in the morning. It happens every day, to all kinds of people, and the vast majority come out alive.

That’s really pretty remarkable, all things considered. 

I’m hoping to be in the vast majority, for the record.

I’ll be posting more soon! For now, tell me, what’s new? Pretend I’ve been living in a cave for the past few weeks and anything you say will be news to me. Hypothetically speaking.

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It’s a… !

Tuesday, January 20, 2015 0 No tags

It took us a little longer to be able to find out the sex of our baby due to our out-of-state move last year and new insurance with a new job. I wouldn’t recommend switching insurance in the middle of pregnancy if it can be helped, but it did mean we had ample opportunity to practice patience and letting go of things that were never in our control to begin with. Hooray for life lessons!

Last week was a big week for us. With approximately 10 weeks to go before we get to meet baby, we found out that it is a girl! I had had this strong feeling that it was going to be a boy, so when the ultrasound technician told us the news, it was hard to hide the skepticism in my surprise. I think she and Eric were both confused as to why I was so thrown off when it was a 50-50 chance all along. My first inkling of mother’s intuition failed me terribly.

But it doesn’t matter now because we couldn’t be more excited about this glimpse of what we have to look forward to. Eric has kindly informed me that she will be allowed to start dating when she is forty. So, if anyone wants to take bets on how long that will last, I won’t stop you.

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Oh, do you want to know her name? We have had our girl name picked out for about three years, so it has felt kind of dream-like to be able to talk about her as a real person.

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Just think, Violet has never taken a walk through the woods, or seen the stars at night, or tasted flourless chocolate cake. She currently does not even know that life consists of more than the confines of the width of my body. Isn’t she in for a good laugh?

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2014: A Brief Reflection

Thursday, January 1, 2015 0 No tags

leaving-2014

We did it, everyone! We successfully made it around the entire sun on our planet, and no one fell off.

2014 felt a little bit like I was hanging on for the ride, for a lot of reasons. I can’t say it was my favorite year yet, for it carried with it a lot of change. But with those changes, Eric and I crossed over to the other side unscathed, and we are better for it, I think.

The beginning of this year began with a lot of stress, mainly due to Eric’s job in Virginia. It prompted us to make the decision to move to my home state, Oklahoma, toward the end of the year.

Saying goodbye to the city I loved, and the place where Eric had lived his entire life, was a little difficult. But being in Oklahoma now, though we miss our friends and Eric’s family very much, has proven to be a wonderful change in our lives. No more traffic, no more long hours at work, no more long commutes to work, no more astronomically high rent prices. These things don’t add anything to quality of life; I can say that with confidence now.

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In July we found out I was pregnant. Knowing this just provided us a little more assurance that we were doing the right thing by moving. (Above left: me a couple of weeks ago, at 26 weeks. I think my belly has doubled in size since then…)

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In August we sold our furniture and packed up our sunny little apartment into a 5×8 trailer that we pulled across the country over the next three days–and by an absolute miracle, arrived in Oklahoma with our bodies and possessions in tact.

Eric got a new job with humane hours, I began working part time, and thanks to the better cost of living in Oklahoma, we are living in a cute little house. I can sing Titanium without worrying about bothering the neighbors!

This Christmas was the first one in a long time that didn’t involve traveling or airports. My parents’ house was filled with other siblings visiting from out of town, and lots of grand babies.

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My dad, with four of the six grand kids (our little one will make seven!!).

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Eric and our niece and nephew, Alice and Charles.

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As the baby inside me kicks and squirms at a steadily increasing rate, the fact that we are going to become a family of three in three short months is becoming much more real. I know this coming year is going to bring a lot of new changes, too, but I look forward to them with hope and excitement. I am not one to make resolutions for the New Year, but I am one to constantly resolve to stop bad habits and instead do what I know I should be doing. And I fail and succeed in an alarmingly consistent cycle. As consistent as the earth orbiting the sun, one might even say.

Whether you have had a difficult year or a wonderful year, I hope you can now celebrate its end with hope and joy. I hope that 2015 is full of new beginnings and a burning desire to make the mundanities of life richer and fuller. Here’s to a wonderful 2015, to you and your loved ones!

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Two Things That Made Me Cry Last Week

Wednesday, November 19, 2014 0 No tags

I’ve never really been the crying type. I like to be in control of my emotions, and reserve tears for times when they are totally warranted. And then I became pregnant. Despite my best efforts, sometimes pregnancy has a way of making a fool out of you.

So just for fun and because I am learning to embrace new emotions, I am going to list the two things that have made me cry this past week.

 1) A commercial about a rejected idea. A real tear-jerker. Watch at your own risk.

This commercial is probably the saddest thing I have seen to date. What is so sad about it is that it “supposedly” has a “happy” “ending”, but really, all the brilliant idea gets for all his heartache is BRIGHTLY COLORED TAIL FEATHERS. Has a minor cosmetic improvement ever made up for a lifetime of societal rejection? It is so tragic on so many levels.

 2) The birth of my newest niece, Penny

More specifically, I shed a tear or two while standing outside of my youngest sister’s hospital room while she literally pushed life into the world and the first gasps of air, followed by crying, could be heard from an adorable newborn baby girl on the other side of that door. Her name is Penny Eve, and we are obsessed with her.

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It wasn’t a surprise to any of us that Penny was born with a head of hair ready to be styled and trimmed (just look at her mom).

Side note, for just a few weeks, my sister-in-law, sister, and I were all pregnant at the same time. Here is a picture of Sally and I a few weeks ago. It was fun being pregnant together for four months, Sally!

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So there we have it: sad (pathetic) tears, and happy tears. Tell me, what commercials tug at your heart strings? Or do you have another weakness?

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